


Soft Footsteps in the Dead of Night I Pretended not to Hear

by ApophisOfficer



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Coda, Episode Coda: s03eo2 Man in Glass pt. 2, Episode Related, M/M, Spoilers, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-02-01 04:57:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21387247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApophisOfficer/pseuds/ApophisOfficer
Summary: A direct continuation of the end of Man in Glass pt. 2."Soft footsteps in the dead of night I pretended not to hear" - Peter Nureyev, Turning my Junoverse worldview on it's head
Relationships: Peter Nureyev & Juno Steel, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 11
Kudos: 84





	Soft Footsteps in the Dead of Night I Pretended not to Hear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [neversaydie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neversaydie/gifts).

Nureyev is quiet in the wake of Juno's stumbling mess of an apology. It's setting Juno's nerves on fire, twisting his stomach into a tangle that may never be undone, but he holds himself still through it because Juno cannot push now. Nureyev deserves to come to his own conclusions, without Juno pressing for more understanding or offering excuses. He knows now that they would be excuses, not reasons. His own issues with intimacy, fear of his genetics, and relying on others may be reasons but he is a grown man who has to take responsibility for his actions, no matter their root. 

The consequences of Juno's personal issues may not be entirely his fault in some ways, but it was not on anyone else to push aside their hurt just because Juno was hurting too. Especially not when he was the reason they were hurting. His problems didn't negate anyone else's. All he could do was apologize, sincerely and with intent to do better because he genuinely regretted hurting Nureyev by leaving.

So, Juno waited and braced himself. Whatever Nureyev had to say, it was nothing Juno hadn't earned that night. He'd purposefully left in the worst way he could, just so he didn't have to deal with the consequences of his own actions. 

He was going to deal with them now, though. This was worth it, worth the effort and the struggle and the grovelling. Nureyev had been worth it then and he was certainly worth it now that Juno was no longer hiding. He wanted to do better,  _ be better _ , and that started with apologizing to the people who'd been there when he was too much of an asshole to look up and see what he was doing to them. 

Nureyev's face was much more open than Juno remembered, and he could practically see the complex thoughts flitting across Nureyev's brain. His eyes flashed in the artificial light, hands twithing on the table as he came to a decision. 

That decision was, apparently, to reach out and settle his hand on Juno's. 

Well, now Juno was just lost.

That feeling only increased when Nureyev opened his mouth and said the last words Juno expected to hear.

"I was awake when you left."

That… didn't make sense. Juno had been  _ certain _ Nureyev was asleep when he got up and left - every cowardly instinct in him had checked over and over to make sure Nureyev wouldn't hear him go. Sure, he'd whispered Juno's name in his sleep once, but he'd just been dreaming… right? 

"I pretended not to hear you leave because… I was scared, too. It's been a long time since I had anyone who could see me as I really am, rather than who I presented myself to be," Nureyev's eyes flicked up to finally meet his own, intense and worried. Nureyev was  _ worried _ about his next words. 

"That's why I was attracted to you, the first day we met. It had been so very long since someone saw  _ me _ behind the mask. It was nice, in the short term. But when you spend as long as I do running from name to name, life to life, you get used to being able to simply leave your mistakes behind. I couldn't do that with you, Juno. 

"I offered to take you across the stars and you told me in your valiant deathbed confession that you wanted that, too. But Juno," Nureyev's leaned forward to grab his other hand, clutching them tight as he tried to convey the meaning behind his next words better than speech ever could, "I don't think either of us was ready for that."

Damn, if that didn't hit Juno like a rabbit in a bar fight. They'd both been so far in over their heads, unable to back down because they were trying to do what they thought the other wanted of them. If they'd just fucking  _ talked _ …

They'd have to do better, going forward. They couldn't salvage that night, not now, but they could learn from it. They could shove their pride and assumptions aside and talk about things instead of bottling them up until they exploded into empty beds and hurt feelings.

Nureyev wasn't done, though. 

"I… I haven't changed in a long time, Juno. It's the benefit of being a nameless thief. You don't have to work on yourself, if you never are yourself." 

Even Juno could feel the gravity that had taken over the conversation, the intense weight of Peter Nureyev actively bearing his soul to another person for maybe the second time in decades… and probably the first without torture or telepathy involved. Just two people, trying to resolve their issues because they hoped it was worth it. They were worth it. 

"For the first time in too long, I think I want to change. Not for you, that's the kind of thing that gets a man in trouble, but…" Nureyev's lingered, his eyes consuming Juno's thoughts until he could almost feel the next words in his heart, "I wouldn't object to changing - to getting better, as it were -  _ with _ you."

That sounded... so nice. A year ago, Juno wouldn't have let himself take the words at face value, would have curled around all those parts of himself that whispered of Sarah Steel and his inevitable downfall into her likeness and sank into his comfortable rut of self hatred. He'd truly believed he was doomed no matter what back then. Sarah hadn't been inevitable though, she'd just stopped trying and Juno didn't ever want to stop trying again. He wouldn't just accept that he'd never be any better, that he had no choice but to keep hurting everyone around him with every step. 

To have someone to change with? An anchor to hold him without holding who he was against who he is? Someone trying just as hard? It sounded like a blessing - one that Juno was finally ready to accept.

So, hands clutching hands and tears shining in both their eyes, he said the only thing he could.

"I'd like that."

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the world's best boi, neversaydie. He's a much better writer than I am and you should read everything he writes. Thanks for your help, my dude.


End file.
